Communication is complex. A lot goes into coming up with a thought and expressing it eloquently in order to share it with others. However, all of us are not that profound. Our messages also come across in our tone of voice (a blog for another day!), our body language, and yes--our behavior. That child melting down in the store because he can't buy a toy--that's communication that everyone hears. Hitting, kicking, screaming, running away, throwing things, biting, excessive arguing that doesn't make sense, refusing to say a word...all communication. And it speaks volumes. It means I don't know what to do, I'm confused, I need to get away, I'm really angry, I am so overwhelmed. It's VERY important to remember that no child (or young adult) wants to be bad. Behavior shows us that someone doesn't feel comfortable in their own skin and they don't have the right words to convey that message. It also means they haven't found the right tools to feel good enough to convey that message.
That's where we come in. First, you have to know what it means to feel good. If you spend your entire life on high alert, then behavior is the best way to communicate. After that, you need to find the right tools to help you feel good. Also, we don't mean to, but we sometimes reinforce that bad behavior. We may think we're just surviving and helping them get to good spot, but what we did is help them decide that asking 5 times is how I get what I want or throwing a fit for 10 minutes gets me out of that situation. Instead, my job is to teach that words are more helpful. There is such a thing as compromise and saying, "I'm confused, I need help" leads to better solutions. I've learned to reword yes/no questions because by asking them, I'm saying it's ok to say "no." However, sometimes, it's not a choice, but I can build in choices to help them have more control (We're getting in the car--do you want to walk or skip to your seat? I need your laundry put away before you go to bed.) We create visuals to make routines more predictable and draw/write things out to help with perspective taking.
We love helping with behavior! It's all part of our goal to help everyone live their best lives!
That's where we come in. First, you have to know what it means to feel good. If you spend your entire life on high alert, then behavior is the best way to communicate. After that, you need to find the right tools to help you feel good. Also, we don't mean to, but we sometimes reinforce that bad behavior. We may think we're just surviving and helping them get to good spot, but what we did is help them decide that asking 5 times is how I get what I want or throwing a fit for 10 minutes gets me out of that situation. Instead, my job is to teach that words are more helpful. There is such a thing as compromise and saying, "I'm confused, I need help" leads to better solutions. I've learned to reword yes/no questions because by asking them, I'm saying it's ok to say "no." However, sometimes, it's not a choice, but I can build in choices to help them have more control (We're getting in the car--do you want to walk or skip to your seat? I need your laundry put away before you go to bed.) We create visuals to make routines more predictable and draw/write things out to help with perspective taking.
We love helping with behavior! It's all part of our goal to help everyone live their best lives!